I don't know where to begin. I guess I should try to explain what Windham Hill has done to music. They are trying to prove that anyone (over the age of 40) with a synthesizer and a reverb unit can make music that people will want to listen to. Good lord, I hope people don't listen to this stuff. It all reminds me of a "piece" I recorded in high school. I used a synthesizer, some sound clips from the tv., and the secretary from the school calling people to the office, and made a song. (Perhaps I should see if they want to do an album?)

So here is the "Here" review:

1. DO NOT BUY THIS. - I read a note on a condom machine once that said, "This gum sucks - don't waste your money". Might as well have been a Windham Hill cd dispenser. This is a bunch of schooled musicians slaughtering songs written by average musicians. I don't mean it as a slight to the Beatles, but they are not known for their knowledge of music theory, or for how fast they play. They wrote songs that were personal, simple, and sweet. The Windham thing takes the songs that are old favorites, and turns them into musical quicksand. Acoustic guitars, pianos, torch singers, and of course, the tabla and sitar. I guess I should go through them song by song.

You Won't See Me - Snuffy Walden - I turned it off after the first few chords. No need to hear someone plink around on an acoustic guitar (see also: Eleanor Rigby, If I Needed Someone, Girl and Blackbird from the same album.)

I Will - Tuck and Patti - Torch singing at it's annoying best. Patti is singing so close to the microphone, that you think she is in the room with you. It's a lul-a-bye from that aunt that has the bad breath. And she's breathing heavily. And of course, the guitar playing is "jazzy". Making those syncopated little stops and starts that make new jazz so shitty.

Eleanor Rigby - Wayne Johnson - This guy is good. Too good. It's more acoustic guitar, almost flamenco style, with reverb on it. Plus, stupid percussion stuff going on in the background. Little cymbal brush stuff. The interesting part is the Red Barchetta-esque section in the middle. I almost heard Geddy Lee singing, "Windham, in my hair, shifting and drifting". Yikes. This sucks.

Here, There, and Everywhere - Liz Story - Liz is the worst offender (see also: The Long And Winding Road) . This song starts out with a music box playing the melody. Wow. Then the piano kicks in. And it's rock hard. If you ever get the chance to go to One Oxford Center (an upscale mall in Pittsburgh, PA.), listen for the piano player. It may be her.

If I Needed Someone - Michael Hedges - This guy is taking a free-ride on the Windham Hill Bad Music Bus. Michael, the fretless electric bass sound went out in the 80's with Every Time You Go by Paul Young.

Martha My Dear - George Winston - Wait a minute, this sounds like an instrumental version of the White Album song with the same title. This can't . . . oh here we go. That weird jazzy syncopation thing that seems to be a fave of these folks. I am starting to hate this stuff.

Girl - Doyle Dykes - Another acoustic guitar thing. What is the demographic for this music? People who ride in elevators all day? And this guy sounds like he's performing this for the recital at the piano teacher's house. No, wait a minute, the flamenco thing. What the hell is going on. No, no more harmonics! I can't take any more of this.

Within You And Without You - Angels of Venice - These folks must have sneaked into the CD recording factory and burned this song onto the master disc. It's actually good. They do a pretty stunning instrumental of the Sgt. Pepper side 2 opener. It's a bit more rockin', and the tabla playing kicks Ganesh's ass. They take some liberties with the song structure, which is a surprise - they go to the dominant 7th in the bass every once in a while. Slightly cheesy, but not out of the realm of possibilities.

Blackbird - Sean Harkness - The flamenco-esque guitarring of Sean Harkness, runs face first into the transvestite vocal-stylings and guitar stuff of the inseparable Patti and Tuck. Who hired these two? I have made joke performances of this version for my friends - and they think it's funny.

Here Comes The Sun - Tracy Silverman and Thea Suits Silverman - This instrumental of one of George Harrison's best songs starts with (I think) either a plucked 6-string viola or 6-string electric violin (which the liner notes are quick to point out are built by David Rivinus and Danny Ferrington, respectively). This is an annoying sound. Especially when coupled with the almost vocal sound of the other violin thing which plays the melody. The Roland Dr. Rhythm drum machine adds comic relief to this over-dramitized Seven-Speilberg-tear-jerker of a song. I am now putting my hanky away, so that I can go on to tell you about:

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds - Lisa Lynne - After the Presidential Election, and listening to this version, I have decided to take the seat-belts out of my Corvair. If you don't get my drift, listen to how the sound of harps and other string-ed instruments make a sound like heaven.

Mother Nature's Son - Free Klassic - Cello and piano mix in the air to make beautiful music that should be heard while someone you know is walking down the aisle. And nowhere else. But wait, there's more: the jam session that happens in the middle has a down-home, country feel, that shows that Free Klassic has roots, rock, and obviously reggae.

The Long And Winding Road - Liz Story - I can't believe the amazing audacity of Liz Story. This version starts with someone, who I assume isn't English, saying the name of the song, and "Take 22", in an English accent. The voice is slowed down a bit. It sounds like the Beatles' producer, Sir George Martin. Who is, in fact, English. (He's actually a Knight, as of June 15, 1996). The funny thing is, it was Bronx-born "Back To Mono / Wall Of Sound" producer, Phil Spector who produced the original version. After the spoken intro, Liz lays it down on the Steinway B piano. I mean, she pours the syrup on the ivorys. A piano recital to a throng of mall-walkers. And then, she turns it around. Literally. The song (and fortunately, the album) ends with a little backwards piano part. A tip to other Martin-produced Beatles stuff. But it is so quiet and uninteresting, that I missed it the first time I listened.

In summary, please, I beg of you, do not buy this album.